The Lore Of Mr Rumplebottom
In the beginning, Mr Rumplebottom was born in the high portions of the british aisles inside of the iconic Rumplebottom mega mansion, the mansion was located in the small quaint town of Cockermouth. On a hill not too steep, but steep enough to always see the mansion from any point in town. It was huge, large enough to spook a brown bear into another winter slumber. And more than enough to make the common British Peasant shiver in fear.
However before that, 1000 years ago, the town of Cockermouth was nothing but a small medieval village, and a fat dumb peasant lived there named “Rump”. Rump took pride in having a large ass for whatever reason. The medieval government of England was getting extremely unpopular, and needed a way to make sure the peasants get angry and rebel against the government. So, they they created a big lottery where any peasant could win an unimaginable amount of money,
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, shingles of medevil currency. It was a terrible idea, the royals said it could ruin the local economy, and ruin the world. But the government insisted, claiming that no person could ever spend enough in their lifetime to even make a small dent in the economy. Peasants from all around the dominion of England entered in the lottery, and the winner happened to be Rump. Rump was Mr Rumplebottoms very very distant ancestor, Rump was now dastardly rich and powerful. He built himself and his new family a huge castle armed with weapons and enough food and water to last generations. He chose his family's last name, “Rumplebottom.” It had a nice ring to it, Referring to both the rump and the bottom. Throughout history, the rumplebottoms remained an extreme influence on England and the world as a whole, arming themselves with the newest military technology, always improving their castle (Now turned mega mansion).
They have influenced countless wars, peace deals, and have built up respect and courage towards their rumps. The Mr Rumplebottom Mansion is revered, and visited by every major world leader. Eventually on March 20th, 1975, Reginald Rump Rumplebottom was born, the rumplebottom that was the not only the last mr rumplebottom, but the strongest and most influential rumplebottom alive. Reginald was different from the other rumplebottoms throughout his childhood, the older mr rumplebottoms were very much obsessed with maintaining the art of tradition, and often did not stray too far from their roots. By this point, the power of the Mr Rumplebottom family was waning. Technology progressed, and they still used horse and buggy, muskets, and had an army filled with unloyal, inexperienced, conscripts. They refused to embrace modern weaponry. Ofcourse, people began to not take the mr rumplebottom family seriously, and began not fearing the rump as much as they initially did. Reginald throughout his childhood felt the direct effects of this. Reginald was often bullied for having a giant rump, and now matter how many people he shot on sight for making fun of him, the amount of people bullying him became too great.
Reginald insisted the Rumplebottom family should consider purchasing a new technology that had just popped up at the time, nuclear bombs. Reginald also insisted that they should buy modern guns, but guns that aren't too modern (such as AR-15s and AK-47s) but (BARS and SUBMACHINE GUNS). He also suggested that they should recruit and make friendships with powerful people who actually cared about their rump, so that way they could fight till the death for the rump. He also suggested that the rumplebottoms should take advantage of modern medicine to live longer, and not rely on traditional aliments that did not work. The rest of the Mr Rumplebottom family rejected these ideas, stating they went “Against Tradition” and that it “Was not necessary”. Reginald wanted to maintain the tradition of the rumplebottom family, but embrace new ideas to make the mr rumplebottom named feared again. Mr Rumplebottom had to endure lots of torture, but eventually the rest of the rumplebottom family died from health problems. Reginald was stricken with grief now that he was the only rumplebottom left alive, but saw lots of opportunity to finally make the mr rumplebottom name feared again. He purchased modern but not too modern weaponry, stockpiled nuclear bombs and ballistic missiles, and took advantage of modern medicine only available to elites to move in ways a rumplebottom has never moved before. Mr Rumplebottom eventually went on a world odyssey in the rumplebottom private jet to see the world. He went everywhere, but one place in particular stuck out to him. It was the Kingdom Of Japan. Whilst on an odyssey to Japan, Mr Rumplebottom got big on anime. His favorite was EVANGELION. He loved Japanese culture, and stayed in Japan for an entire two years. After returning home to England, he decided that he would only pursue a relationship with an anime character, he wanted to create the perfect anime character for himself. But the technology did not exist at the time, so Mr Rumplebottom had to wait.
As the years passed, Mr Rumplebottom grew stronger and stronger… the rumplebottom name eventually became feared again, but not by who you'd expect. The British government was getting weary of the rumplebottom family gaining power, and wanted the mr rumplebottom family to stay wear and a simple footnote in British history. So, they stormed Mr Rumplebottom's mansion, and seized his weapons.
Mr Rumplebottom got into a massive battle with the British authorities and killed several British policemen, and hopped into his private jet and had his previous butler named Jordan accelerate the engines. The RAF was in a dogfight with mr rumplebottoms private jet, and Mr Rumplebottom shot one British airforce jet down with his elephant musket over the Atlantic Ocean. They were going so fast, they eventually reached the north american continent and the dogfight continued. Mr Rumblebottom's private jet passed over a military base in New Jersey, and two American fighter jets pursued Mr Rumplebottom, and Mr Rumplebottom shot one of them down. Mr Rumplebottom was struggling to aim his musket at the American and British fighter jets now pursuing Mr Rumplebottom in a cross country dogfight. If things couldn't get any worse, the dogfight eventually reached Canadian land, and a Canadian fighter jet got in on the action. Eventually, it was too much for the lone fighter jet to handle, so Mr Rumplebottom crashed in a crappy American town right near the Canadian border, Kevin Montana.
Mr Rumplebottom crash landed into some empty american land, his butler Jordan was dead… but he survived the crash thanks to his rump cushioning him. Mr Rumplebottom soon noticed he was tucked away from the authorities in such a lawless wasteland… the perfect place for him to stock firearms, ballistic missiles, nuclear weapons, and build his power. He decided to stay in Kevin, and build his empire from there.
However, mr rumplebottom needed a new butler, and then came brandy… brandy was quite the fan of mr rumplebottom for awhile, and decided to throw his submissive and docile hat in the ring and decide to ask mr rumplebottom if he could be his butler. So when Mr Rumplebottom was building his new Mega mansion and airplane hangar, Brandy snuck up behind Mr Rumplebottom… and served him a nice posh cup of English tea. This delighted Mr Rumplebottom, as he never met a butler with such smooth moves and an unwillingness to stand up for himself, so Mr Rumplebottom knew brandy was perfect for the job, and hired him on the spot. Once mr rumplebottoms missile slio, mansion, and private jet were finished being built… he once again was the most powerful man on the planet. Mr Rumplebottom along with brandy, were a power couple, a true bonnie and clyde type duo… but many more challenges lay in the way…
