In the town of stillwater oklahoma, there once lived a man named John Eggbert, a cartoonish looking man with his most distinct feature, a bald egg shaped head. He also possessed a thick mustache, big blue eyes, and signature thick round spectacles. He always wore a big smile that complimented his appearance.
Our story begins with the birth of John Eggbert, he was born in October of 1964 living in a nice beautiful cottage with his mother and his father. His mother would always make hot chocolate and would tell fables and tales to the young eggbert, his father would teach him how to play ball
and show eggbert his picture postcard collection. Something that of course, harbored his love for picture postcards. John eggbert, like his parents, took quite an interest in telling stories and serving hot chocolate. So when he grew up, he became a teacher at rockhorseclipfanshell elementary.
Eggbert enjoyed his job of being a teacher very much, he was considered one of the best teachers in the school, even winning awards that further complimented his academia. John Eggberts reputation often preceded him in the humble town of stillwater. He often invited people
Into his small little cottage in the center of town for some cups of hot chocolate, and often showed people his picture-postcard collection. However, the good things in his life would come to an end. The school district had massive budget cuts, and John Eggberts pay was affected massively. Despite living in a small cottage, he failed to make ends meet. Being a teacher was never about coin, but now that John Eggbert was light on coin, he needed to find another avenue to keep his teaching job. John eggbert had nothing of value he could sell besides his picture postcards. John eggbert also didn't want to work a second job, as it felt it could diminish his perfect teaching skills. So John eggbert decided to take a trip, he told his class he was just going on an adventure to get some picture postcards. But in reality, he was going to buy a shipment of weed with the last amount of money he had. He decided to roll the weed into newspapers, and created a discreet weed delivery business that would be disguised as a newspaper business. The customers knew they were receiving weed, but the newspaper deliverers had no idea. John eggbert would put up posters on the community board hoping that eager newspaper deliverers would deliver newspapers with weed in them for him to customers not knowing they were delivering drugs.
This plan was working out perfectly, until a boy named John Guitar was looking for chore work and came across one of John Eggberts posters. He went into the alleyway and John eggbert gave him the newspapers. However, there was a golden rule that none of the newspaper deliverers violated. NEVER UNRAVEL THE NEWSPAPERS. However John Guitar wanted to read some of the news, and unraveled one the newspapers, all the weed inside fell into the sewer below, but John Guitar just thought that they were ground leaves that got onto the paper and gave it to the final customer, a hardened 1930s gangster who lived on the edge of town, his name being sullivan pumpernickel. Sullivan pumpernickel unraveled the newspaper to find no cannabis inside, so he attempted to kill John Guitar, but he got away.
Sulivan then contacted eggbert that the weed shipment was missing, and this made eggbert angry so he and sullivan both agreed to team up and kill gutair, and they both tried to kill him numerous times, and even tried to hire a hitman named “Mister Madcow” to finally take him out, but mr madcow failed to take John Guitar out, and one of guitars other enemies tried too also but for a separate reason but died. There was now a massive scene of blood and terror in eggberts own classroom, one of the teachers quickly took notice and eggbert returned the next day and attempted to explain he had no involvement with it. Eventually the police got involved and investigated eggbert, and eggbert finally confessed to everything.
In Court, John eggbert defended himself saying that times were tough and that the budget cuts made him do it, but the court had no mercy and sentenced eggbert to two years in the slammer. While in jail, he was pushed around and bullied. The time in jail hardened eggbert into a different man, much farther away from the man he used to be. The warm, passionate eggbert was now an angrier man. When eggbert was finally released from prison, his cottage was repossessed and his picture postcard collection was lost, John eggbert lost his teaching job, and had trouble finding a new job because of his criminal record, he had to live in the sewers and had no choice but to sell drugs whilst being homeless as it was the only way he could make money at the time. His reputation was tarnished, and all of his fellow teachers and friends abandoned him, this made eggbert grow a strong hatred for teachers and the town of stillwater oklahoma.
Eventually, John eggbert met up with an also broke and homeless Sullivan Pumpernickel. So, for each others sake, they decided to move away from stillwater oklahoma way further up north to a barren small town called “Kevin" in the desolate state of montana and decided to team up to sell drugs, However, eggberts business model was that he would buy drugs from the maker, and then he would resell them for a higher price, John eggbert was a moral degenerate, but he had to take part in it for the sake of food and water.
John eggbert eventually began to grow his drug empire over the years of 2016-2022, he and Sullivan decided to move into an abandoned mall and live in it and continue operations inside. He also built up a crew of 5 guards to protect him while out and back at the compound. The way John Eggbert would make his money was just by sitting in the alleyway buying and selling drugs from and to other people with his hood on, this worked until a man named robert sportson decided to sell a lucrative drug to eggbert that was pretty hard to get your hands on, methamphetamine. John eggbert gave robert sportson the money and then decided to give it a small taste to see if it was real, but also pure and good. John eggbert also didnt know how to properly enjoy drugs and it ofcourse tasted pretty bad, so eggbert got out his pistol and began shooting robert sportson. Robert managed to get away but John Eggbert was mad he was scammed, but didnt know how to find robert sportson so he waited. They eventually crossed paths at a local bar, and he and the 5 guards he had eventually got into a battle and fought. Robert almost died, but one of Robert sportsons kids managed to kill all five guards and saved robert. All of them died besides Bob, who got back up and left. John Eggbert survived the attack walking away with only one stab wound. John eggbert directed sullivan to write “kill robert sportson” on the to-do list. But, the to-do list had lots of stuff to do. So, they would actually do that until much later.
One year later, John eggbert tried to kill robert sportson and his kids by kidnapping them, but it went awfully and it resulted in the death of Sullivan Pumpernickel and with him almost dying. Eventually, the police found him out as they managed to find the massive hole in the ceiling through satellite and so the police decided to go in to investigate. John eggbert woke up bleeding and noticed his helicopter was gone and that his friend was dead. He noticed the police bargining into the property, He grabbed a halloween decoration to fake his death and made a run for it in a secret exit inside the mall, the police then presumed john eggbert to be dead, but only Sullivan pumpernickel was actually dead.
John Eggbert with his remaining amount of funds, decided to buy a shitty apartment on the edge of town to live in for the time being, he decided to quit drugs and decided to become a hitman, as he found out being a hitman makes more money. He was making decent money, but he received a job that would change his life forever, it was from a guy named mister karponzi, he wanted his enemy mr birchum dead, John Eggbert initially failed to kill mr birchum twice, but mr karponzi managed to convince them to keep trying. Eventually, Eggbert gets into a violent confrontation with Mr Birchum and his squad. It ended with everyone dying besides him and a kid he hired to help him. Eventually John eggbert meets a man named Andrew hussie after the attack, and discovers the name of the main protagonist of the comic “John Egbert” shares his exact name. For this reason, he takes andrew hussie to court and sues him for defamation for an obscene amount of money, eggbert wins the case and is now a millionaire, he buys a luxurious mansion, and decides to focus the rest of his life on killing everyone who wronged him and finishing his new picture-postcard collection.
Several years later in 2032, he finally reaches the last thing on his list of woes, killing robert sportson. And he decided to make a plan where he would track their geo-location using roberts cellphone and kill them whilst they were somewhere unprepared. But while eggbert was traveling to their house on his motorcycle, he saw them driving on the highway, so he made a turn and attempted to kill them with his TEC-9 pistol. He also tries to slash the truck's tires with a katana but fails, Robert's kids eventually shoot his motorbike and it explodes leaving him stranded on the side of the road. Robert sees Eggbert on the side of the road while they are coming home from another meth adventure, and decides to run him over. He then realises he has no other reason to really kill him and decides to live the rest of his days at peace in his mansion, the police were too incompetent and sparse to catch him. But, what will happen next to John Eggbert? We can only guess…
